my dad has cancer

i might have cancer


as if dealing with ptsd and all my spine problems and going to university in general wasn’t enough. haha.hahahahahah ha

My dad might have cancer.

I have infections in both of my feet.

My grandma just had another fucking surgery

And I need more hours at work but last night I had to go home early because I couldn’t feel my legs anymore. I’m worried about my spine getting work but getting the medical bills is enough to discourage me from pursuing further measures. The fear of gaining another 30lbs from more steroid injections is enough.

I’ll just keep putting awful medications in my body. I’ll keep doing that, and hope it goes away

Sometimes it’s like there is so much going on in my head and everything is so overwhelming, the words are so profuse, and I can write entire essays. I can think essays about how I feel when I mention the event. I don’t have to say the word rape. I don’t have to say his name. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone his name. And then the words get stuck in my throat. It’s like the essay has been wadded, folded up and has blocked up my vocal cords. They can’t move and I suffocate because I wish I could speak. I wish I could say that I don’t want to have sex tonight. I wish you wouldn’t push me down on the bed because I know that most girls would think it’s so hot and passionate and great but all I can feel is strong hands and the anxiety kicks in and my fear crawls up my spine and the flare ups of pain start. October is awful because my grandmother died. October is awful because I got raped. October is awful because I have to get stone cold drunk to express my feelings and October is awful because it’s your bbirthday and I cried as I gave you a blow job because I can’t take how I feel and I hate it. I hate that I can’t give you what you need sexually because I am so broken. I’ve been used and abused and now I’m fucking broken and it’s not your faultand youou don’t deserve this girl that is quiet and lethargic and just wants to sleep. You deserve the woman I was, full of fire and passion, full of life and lust. I wish I could give you her. I wisht hat I wasn’t such a fuck up.

Everyday I get closer to what is supposed to be a dream life. and everyday I feel I want to kill myself more.

what do you pray for, sansa?


Also Chris and I made some bomb ass homemade pizza of the pesto variety for dinner tonight. It was so yummy.

I fucking love pizza still

I’ve watched all of 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, and Community.

I’m almost done with Hannibal.

What am I doing?


Meet Deric Lostutter, a 26-year-old cybersecurity consultant who also goes by the moniker “KYAnonymous.” Lostutter obtained and published tweets and Instagram photos in which members of the Steubenville High School football team joked about an incident in which a 16-year-old girl was raped.

Lostutter’s actions inspired a group of people to take justice into their own hands. A hacker called “Bobcat” vandalized the Facebook page of the Steubenville football team. Other hackers took similar action.

It’s unclear if Lostutter participated in any hacking shenanigans, but if he’s indicted and found guilty of any, he faces 10 years in jail. By comparison, the Steubenville rapists received one- and two-year sentences each.




Everybody I know is having kids, so I made this helpful guide to nature names for your baby. The original is over here.

From now on I shall be called Bat Falcon Hanson, kthx.